[Video]

[whatwas]

Merlin's gone.

[At least he's not breaking things this time. But if possible, he looks even worse than when Johannes left.]

I'm...I need a few days away.

[To sneak around with Yuca, yes, but also to heal broken heart do manly stuff like smash beer cans on his head instead of crying.]


Raven, can you look after Alice? Please?

Comments

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[al_truism]

[He'd thought there was nothing harder than learning this lesson himself. That nothing is permanent. That nobody is.

He was wrong. It's watching the people he loves learn it too. Watching Yuca lose Rain again, watching Rei struggle to hold herself together, and now watching Horst hurt this badly-]

... I hate this place sometimes.

[Video//Private//Unhackable]

[ahandsomedevil.livejournal.com]

It gets better every week.

[Video//Private//Unhackable]

[al_truism]

... what are you feeling, right now?

[Video//Private//Unhackable]

[ahandsomedevil.livejournal.com]

[The question surprises him, and he has to think about it. He's feeling pretty damn well gutted right now.

And also scared. And livid.]

...Angry.

[Video//Private//Unhackable]

[al_truism]

What are you angry at?

[Video//Private//Unhackable]

[ahandsomedevil.livejournal.com]

[It depends. Himself, mostly. But then Merlin. The Animus--that's like being angry at a wall. At himself again. At Yuca.

He sets the PCD down so all it shows is his shoe.]

It's complicated. I don't....

I can't think right now. It's all fucked up, Al.

[Video//Private//Unhackable]

[al_truism]

... sometimes it's like that. But the stuff in your own head isn't all you have to listen to.

You're not alone.

[Video//Private//Unhackable]

[ahandsomedevil.livejournal.com]

But I will be.

[If he ever goes home, he will be.

And if he stays here.... Everyone will leave.]

[Video//Private//Unhackable]

[al_truism]

But you're not, right here, right now, and this is the only time you can see, can feel.

You can feel right now, can you? You can't feel the future. You don't know what's going to happen. This isn't the past either, and it never will be again.

We have to live for now, for this minute, because right now is what is.

[Video//Private//Unhackable]

[ahandsomedevil.livejournal.com]

[But right now, if he lets himself think about it, is nothing but panic and anger and loss.

It's a minute that Merlin isn't in. But how can that be? Just a week ago they were making magic bubble animals for Alice and sharing flavored rum.

Two nights ago, Horst fell asleep on the couch with him. He doesn't have to think hard at all to remember how warm Merlin was, how bony his elbows were, how comfortably he fit on Horst's lap while he fed.

Horst can't stop thinking about that now, so he doesn't realize how hard he's crying suddenly.]

Er kann nicht weg sein!

[Video//Private//Unhackable]

[al_truism]

[... dammit. Al doesn't say a word, just gets onto the Zoomer. He'll be there in a few minutes, knocking on the door, holding a blanket.]