whatwas | [Video]

Entry tags:

[Video]

Merlin's gone.

[At least he's not breaking things this time. But if possible, he looks even worse than when Johannes left.]

I'm...I need a few days away.

[To sneak around with Yuca, yes, but also to ~~heal broken heart~~ do manly stuff like smash beer cans on his head instead of crying.]

Raven, can you look after Alice? Please?

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

... th-there was... an event last January, where we thought the world was going to end, and we thought we would never get our chance, s-so...!

You don't have to justify it to me, Negi.

[He's just baffled you didn't do more, in that case. I mean really.]

It was... just once, and we're... we're still waiting. We're only doing what he would be comfortable doing with Edward.

...

He's comfortable waiting to date Edward?!

Wh-what? No!

Then you're not doing things he's comfortable doing with Ed!

L-like... hugging! Al would never kiss his brother!

Then why are you trying to act like brothers?!

Then I'll never sleep.

[Dude, you know sleep deprivation was part of his training at one point. Not that he'd actually be able to stay awake forever. Maybe a few days. Enough to bluff people into thinking he never needed to sleep.

But then Horst says that, and he's thrown off for a moment.]

...Yeah, sure.

... sometimes it's like that. But the stuff in your own head isn't all you have to listen to.

You're not alone.

[Goddamnit. Goddamn everything. He's just out on a roof somewhere hugging his knees and feeling ten years old again and even LESS in control because this isn't just something stupid like losing a fight anymore.

And even worse, when Asuna finally DOES find him, he isn't done crying yet.]

... sick of it.

That's a lot better.

[He's still angry, so angry, but somehow, knowing Horst is angry too, won't take this, won't tolerate it, won't give up, that makes it better.]

[He wishes he was there with him, so Kota could hit him--and then Horst could tackle him, hug him, do something, anything to try to make this better.

This, he'll think later, is what he really loved about being a father: caring so much more about someone else that he could even put aside his own loss.]

I won't give up again, Kotarou. Never.

But I will be.

[If he ever goes home, he will be.

And if he stays here.... Everyone will leave.]

[... and now, like this, with the only one here being Horst, his expression crumbles a little. He sets his jaw, refusing to tear up, instead trying to maintain a glare. He has memories -- false ones -- of Horst being there, of taking care of him when he was sick, of letting him ride on his shoulders when he was little, of laughing with him when he did stupid things.

He didn't even yell when he exploded that watermelon in the kitchen. Much.

But Horst fucked up a lot of trust with him, and no one distrusts so much as a young teenager. Especially Kotarou.

In the end though, he makes it simple for himself. Because being mad at him isn't fun.]

... promise?

But you're not, right here, right now, and this is the only time you can see, can feel.

You can feel right now, can you? You can't feel the future. You don't know what's going to happen. This isn't the past either, and it never will be again.

We have to live for now, for this minute, because right now is what is.

[Horst has made some stupid promises here. One for Yuca--that he wouldn't leave until the other was dead. One for Johannes....

And he told himself, after this fight with Yuca, he wasn't going to do that anymore. He couldn't keep promises. But he realizes now that he was wrong. He's incapable of disappointing Kotarou again.]

I swear it.

[He ducks his head a little. No, he's not crying. Dammit.]

It sucked, being mad at you.

[Horst has to swallow a few times before he can pick up that smile again.]

I wasn't fond of it either.

[He hadn't been aware he was crying--he's too out of it, really--but that makes him pull her closer. It's not good to be as panicked as he is right now; he never reacts the way he wants himself to.

Instead of laughing this off--which wouldn't be a good way to deal, either--he just brushes his lips against her throat.]

Vergiss mich nicht wenn du gehst.

[But right now, if he lets himself think about it, is nothing but panic and anger and loss.

It's a minute that Merlin isn't in. But how can that be? Just a week ago they were making magic bubble animals for Alice and sharing flavored rum.

Two nights ago, Horst fell asleep on the couch with him. He doesn't have to think hard at all to remember how warm Merlin was, how bony his elbows were, how comfortably he fit on Horst's lap while he fed.

Horst can't stop thinking about that now, so he doesn't realize how hard he's crying suddenly.]

Er kann nicht weg sein!

[Trust Horst to ask for the only thing she can't promise to him, no matter how much she'd like to. He knows she wants to return to her own world but that doesn't mean it'll be easy to leave any of the people she's come close to here. Including Horst of course. But there is one thing she wants to believe in and that she can tell him.]

Du wirst immer ein Teil von Mir bleiben. Ich... liebe Dich.

[She presses her forehead against his, looking gently into his eyes and smiling slightly.]

Where will you be going during the next days?

[... dammit. Al doesn't say a word, just gets onto the Zoomer. He'll be there in a few minutes, knocking on the door, holding a blanket.]

I am sorry, Horst-san.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Page 6 of 9

[Video]

[Private Video // Unhackable]

[Private Video // Unhackable]

[Private Video // Unhackable]

[Private Video // Unhackable]

[Private Video // Unhackable]

[Private Video // Unhackable]

[Private Video // Unhackable]

[Private Video // Unhackable]

[video]

[Video//Private//Unhackable]

[Filtered]

no subject

[Video//Private//Unhackable]

[Video//Private//Unhackable]

[Video//Private//Unhackable]

[Video//Private//Unhackable]

[Video//Private//Unhackable]

[Video//Private//Unhackable]

[Video//Private//Unhackable]

[Video//Private//Unhackable]

[Offline]

[Video//Private//Unhackable]

[Offline]

[Video//Private//Unhackable]

no subject