whatwas | [Video]

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[The feed begins early in the morning, just before dawn. It's impossible to say who's recording, because all it captures is the sunrise. And it's beautiful; the colors are vivid, the day is cold and it makes everything that much sharper.

The sun climbs over the horizon at last and there's a flurry of dust across the screen. The PCD turns off when the feed times out.]

[OFFLINE: a note to Raven]

Hey, Spatzi.

I need to speak to the Higher Ups. Hold it together while I'm gone, ja?

[It's not signed because, well, she'll know who it was from.

There's also a note to Alphonse, saying simply, 'Sorry. Watch after Negi'. The few herbs Johannes left that Horst recognizes are mixed into sachets for Killua, Kotarou, and Negi. It encourages dreamless sleep.

If your name is Tyki, you get a key to Horst's bar and a note: 'Help yourself.']

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I've tried to do it before. Y'know. I didn't manage it, but I tried.

It doesn't always matter if there's another option. Sometimes you can't allow yourself to do anything else. He's not stupid enough to give up this way 'cause he knows it's more likely that the animus'll bring him back than it is that he'll go home and forget. Here, death is just another tool, get it? He's using it to help himself out. It's just another way to fight.

Get it?

[And that does actually stop Negi.]

... it's a risky way of fighting.

If you can't take risks, you shouldn't be fighting.

... I can take risks, but... that's too big of a risk to take. What if you have something taken away that you didn't want taken away?

It doesn't matter how big the risk is. What matters is whether it's worth it.

...

Sometimes something is so important to a person that they're willing to give up everything and everyone for it. If you're the one he's willing to give up, you've just gotta trust that whatever he's trying to get out of it is just that important.

... I understand. I do.

But there are some people that I... could never willingly give up.

[Because that's just who he is. And unwillingly giving up memory of his father nearly broke him.]

...yeah.

[It's whispered under his breath. He'd been so close to going through with it himself before. He hadn't wanted to, would never want to, but in the end, some things really are more important. No matter how much he likes someone, wants to hang out with them as long as humanly possible, Killua Zoldyck would rather never see them again than be their downfall.]

... I'd give anything else to help someone, though.

...[He manages a small snort, not quite a laugh.]

Yeah. You would.

[... oh.]

Am I... really that predictable?

[He could make a joke out of this, but he's just not in the mood.]

Guys like you are the opposite of predictable.

... unpredictable?

[If so, that's a new one on him.]

You don't stop yourself.

I can't afford to. There's too much in my future that I need to work hard to reach.

So you're willing to do anything. It's hard to keep up with people like that, y'know.

... is it?

Yeah. It takes idiots like Kotarou and Asuna to do it right.

... well, if they're willing to offer their help...

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